I'v have lost more than I have gained trying to stay here on DA. slowly loosing my mind and having chronic depression does not help. I was such a fool to beleave I could make a life of my own on DA. I just wanted something to hope for... a stuipid dream... I was just chasing an stuipid and impossible dream.

I don't know why I wanted to keep going, I knew there was nothing... and it's true... there is nothing for me here. I though, "If Mew-sama can do it, then I can do it!"

I have known Mew-sempi ever since he arrived in DA. at the time we where both nobodys trying to find something to live for. I remember telling myself that we were going to become great, together with Mew-sempi. we will stand side by side, beating the odds and having our stories become great...

I have wasted so much time... so much time... I get myself in trouble just to get things done... but, alas, there was nothing for me.


as I see him grow into some one, I soon realize how much I have faded from his life. he became a "someone to care for" while i was left to walk alone. Mew-sempi and I, we may be simalar, but we are still differant.

now... he has friends in RL that support him, and with more than 500+ watchers and friends,


who need Pokedork1...


While one florishes and is admired, the other burns away to be forgoten. My colors have faded to black and white, as worthless as dirt. I love seeing Mew-sempi happy, all I want for him is happyness. he talks to many people, now, being more of himself every day. I love seeing this, being so happy with others. he even found someone that cares deeply for him.

But even as he walks his brighter path, I can only watch.
watching him as he walks away,
Watching him as I fade from his life...


I hate talking like this, but I have to say something. I don't see a reason to go back to DA, not even to check messages. I have lost the will to continue this stuipid dream.

I want to leave DA... erase it from my mind if i could. I want to leave... but I can't... because of mew-sempi.
Mew-sempi has been my final lifeline for... as long as my mind will let me remember. if I let DA go, I loose Mew-sempi... and then I would have nothing...

but, I'm only more weight on his shoulder maybe I should just go... if i could make him just a little happy, I want to do it. besides, I'm irrelevent. just a nobody.


I also thought I would find happyness on DA, man I was stuipid. I never had a good friend other than Mew-sempi, i thought things would get better in the end. but even now, that i have some RL friends, I still... feel so lonly...

eather way, I give up on everything... I'm stopping my stuipid stories... but staying... for mew-sempi...


De-watch me, I'm not going to post anymore crap. I'll stay for Mew and that is that...
but I guess you don't care...

Fuck you~
Pokedork1 out


Mew-sempi... become something I could never be... be someone...